A Question of Direction-When It's Time to Surrender

I believe that there are many people in this world who have built in radar, they were born being able to find their way, no matter where they are going in life. I especially believe this to be true when it comes to driving from one place to another. For some people, going from point “A” to point “B”, no matter how far or how many different routes have to be taken, is a no-brainer and as easy as snapping a finger. I am definitely not one of these fortunate people. As a matter of fact, I am quite certain that I was absent from school on the days that any form of navigation and maps was ever taught. I'm quite certain, although I've never been tested medically, that the part of my brain that can easily address the issues of navigation is totally missing. You can laugh at this or sympathize with me, but all I know is that getting hopelessly lost has been more the norm rather than the exception for most of my life-until recently. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

I've always been fine with the basic concept of north, south, east, and west-at least when I looked at an atlas of the whole world. But if somebody giving me directions says, for example, “When you get to street “A” , turn east and drive to point “B”, then go north.” Not only would my eyes glaze over, but I would actually start to hyperventilate and tears would well up in my eyes as I started to look for the nearest escape from the crazy person trying to give me impossible directions that I had tuned out the minute he or she mentioned the word “east”. How could I admit that the only way I could handle any form of direction was to be told to go to a certain street, turn left or right, then to another street or road, then turn left or right, etc., without sounding totally like the moron I truly was? Often were the times that I would just say “thank you”, move on, and then look for somebody else to help me. When THAT didn't work, I would bite my tongue, take a breath and try to make a joke of it by saying, “I'm a bit navigationally challenged and don't do well with north, south, east, or west. Can you tell me to go either right or left?” The typical response (usually with what seemed a smile of pity), was, “Oh, sure. Let me draw you a map.” I would start to hyperventilate again before I managed to choke out, “No! Don't! I don't do maps either.” I knew what they were thinking....”What kind of idiot doesn't do maps?”

My mother, who has a perfect sense of direction and a photographic memory at 87 years old, used to tell me that I could get lost in a walk-in closet if it was big enough. I was quite certain she was right, which didn't help my problem any. But over my lifetime I have learned to accept my difficulties with navigation and have praised and applauded myself when I WOULD find my way from one place to another. I learned to allow myself a ridiculous amount of extra time before setting out for places unknown, and then pray I had allowed myself enough. If a journey seemed to far, I would make excuses for not accepting invitations if it meant I had to find my own way there, and then wallow in self-pity that I had to spend time all by myself rather than to accept the invitation. When I got married, I left the navigation to my husband and was so relieved that he didn't make fun of my lack of skills in this area. I think he realized that I had so many other redeeming qualities, (his words, not mine), why stress me out over it. That strategy worked for the first ten years of our marriage.

Three years ago I had to face my fears head on. He was hospitalized in a city we had never been in and would be unable to drive for 6 weeks. I had to find my way to and from the hospital from where I was staying with a friend, and then take him to all his different doctor appointments and rehab after he was discharged. It was time to surrender and let go of my fears. I forced myself to study maps of the area and to find alternate routes when construction would send me on detours. I did it through tears, frustration, anxiety, and triumph. I was woman, and you could hear me roar! A huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders and I could actually breathe normally when I asked for directions. I still got lost, but it didn't make me feel stupid anymore. I took on the challenges of navigation with great aplomb and sometimes even bragged to my closest friends that I hadn't got lost getting to their homes. I had surrendered big time and it felt wonderful!

When my husband suggested that we take a 2 month road trip to explore the West coast from top to bottom, I was excited to think that I would be planning the trip and doing all the navigating. I spent hours looking at maps and routes, and planning stops we would make. I went on the Internet to chart my course with Map quest and AAA and became obsessed with finding “just the right route” . My road atlas was so tattered and routes were so highlighted in yellow that I could barely read it anymore. This was a true sign I had evolved into a great navigator-right?

Just as I had finished with my lists of places to see, routes to take, and maps to use, my husband presented me with an early anniversary gift. With a smile from ear to ear he watched as I opened my gift. I was speechless as I stared at a Garmin GPS system. Why did I need this? I had already spent weeks planning our trip and was still basking in my ability to surrender my fears of getting hopelessly lost. Wasn't using a GPS cheating? Wouldn't it keep me from using my new-found skills as an accomplished navigator? I was staring at yet another form of surrender; AND, a whole lot of questions: how hard was it going to be to learn how to use it? How bad would I hurt his feelings if I said I really didn't need it? Could I use the GPS and the maps and lists I had so painstakingly made?

Here's the short version of what I did for 2 months on our road trip. I surrendered, AGAIN, to a certain extent. I consulted my map and lists for an overview of the trip as we went along. I used the GPS to calculate distance and time from one place to another and to direct me around bad roads and/or construction. When we needed a place to stay or eat, I used the incredible database to direct me (after consulting the Internet and my maps most of the time as well). It was also great for keeping me alert, since it had a great woman's voice that acted as a “driving pal”. I switched it to a man's voice when Jerry was driving so it didn't feel like another woman was telling him where to go...that was reserved for me, thank you very much!

I like to think, now, that surrendering isn't so bad after all. It's not easy, don't misunderstand that. But once you practice it over and over, it gets easier. A lot easier than stewing in your own juices and thinking that's the ONLY way to live. Trust me. I've been there...more times than I can even count. And I'm sure there will be many more times requiring my surrender in this lifetime....but what's the value of life and learning, without challenges?


Thank you for letting me share this part of my life with you.

From Me 2 You,
Laurie Jo

For more stories and information about Laurie Jo, please visit her website at: http://www.fromme2youonline.com.